i've lost my inspiration. can you help me?

...? okay. first of all, i'm not being 'extra'. this is just my honest feeling. i love music. or at least i did, until quite recently. i was doing good with piano music. my grades were always distinction or merit. never below. but for about two years, i suffered from a bad break-up (well, the guy didn't /actually/ know i was head-over-heels for him. but i was. and then he started going out with a woman senior to him. it broke me apart. i was younger than him. but i know, it was his personal preference. i gave up the chemistry degree i was doing and came back home. all that time, i was studying music in the background. (sigh) okay. i didn't like chemistry. but went to the institute anyway. then i saw that guy and felt inspired to keep doing what i love. even there, i was the pianist and played for all the annual concerts with the orchestra.) anyway, after the downward spiral, i went back to my old coach and started training for the final piano examination. i also started working part-time, as an assistant to my coach. but when i finally did my last exam, i was barely able to pass. now i feel like i've lost my inspiration to carry on treading the rest of the path... i know, this sounds whiny and...extra? but really, is there anyone who can help me? i'm not and was not honestly involved in a relationship with anyone. i've never really had the time, or the need for a long-lasting partnership. so naturally, the only people who are close to me are my parents, my angsty sister, several close relations and family friends. my life seems a mess compared to others my age. i've never enjoyed facebook (i was there for a couple of years, while doing the degree). this blog is a good friend. and twitter is more useful, cause there i can write stuff and enjoy 'roleplay' (lol, i like being myself, through different characters). but now, i wonder if there's something i need to change about my life. my coach is not the most helpful person in the world. they simply make me feel insignificant and useless. especially during working hours. but i don't mind. recently though, i've thought to find a different teacher to do my diploma in music. but that's where i feel quite lost. what if i fail to surprise the audience? is there anyone who can give me a word of encouragement?........

~yours sincerely.

Mysterious...

It seems you are versatile....,

You know exactly how to adapt yourself to different situations.

You are impossible to pigeonhole: an enigma for those around you.

That excitement is really attractive!

They don't know what to expect.

You are an interesting mix between emotional depth and shallow amusement.

Every moment is a new adventure!





well, that seems accurate 😉

In That Moment - part ii

Hey, this is the second part of the soliloquy i was writing wa-a-y back. lol I was away from blogger for a /very/ long time. sorry about that.... 

(continued from "In That Moment - part i")

~He turned around, ready to run away. With a fluid movement, John’s form rushed forward and snapped the door shut. “No, Sherlock, you’re not going to run away; not this time!” cried John, his voice fierce, as if he was in the battlefield. It was not a request; it was an order. Sherlock froze, he had never heard John shout like this. He felt like a horse, a thoroughbred who has escaped and gone wild; he also felt that John was thinking /exactly/ along the same line. “Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you. I am weapon-less; my revolver is right there on the table,” he said. His voice was so gentle that, Sherlock wondered whether this was the same man who just screamed at him. He blinked several times and then decided to look at John’s blue-blue eyes but then looked away again instantly. He decided to stare at John’s knees instead. He was now walking slowly towards Sherlock. He came forward until they were only about a foot apart. Sherlock kept quiet, wondering what John was going to do next.

He heard John sigh. A rough hand caught his own and held it between its fingers; a thumb was slowly caressing his palm. His pulse rose. He wanted to wrench his hand and run away, somewhere far-far away where nobody can ever find him. “Shh…” he heard a voice, /John’s voice/, somewhere very close to his chest. He took a step back, or at least half of himself did, while the other half stood rooted to the spot. The end result was a comical half-step that nearly unbalanced him, had it not been for a second arm that caught him behind his sleeve. “It’s over now, Sherlock. Your time for running away, is over. We’re going to settle everything. Just stop trying to run away; you’re never going to run away, nobody is /ever/ able to run away from their heart. Your heart belongs to you. It’ll never leave you. So don’t exhaust yourself; please stop,” his voice was soothing, a gentle plead. The wild horse yielded; it allowed the human to touch him, to try and calm him; he was still /very/ flustered, yet he thought to give one chance.

At last, the world came to a halt. People were allowed to breathe, children were allowed to laugh and play, trees swayed in a soft breeze, the sun shone lazily across a cloud-studded, crystal-blue sky; all was well. Inside 221B, Baker Street, Sherlock Holmes allowed John Watson to lead him on to the sofa, where they would sit down and talk, for all eternity, if that is what it takes. Oh love, how gentle art thou…?

John settled Sherlock among the cushions and sat down. Sherlock was /not/ going to settle down that easily. He sprang up and sat rigid as a board, his scrutinizing gaze now directed completely at John, whose eyes twinkled at the sudden change in his protégée. He chuckled. He didn’t say anything, yet he continued to observe this beautiful, rare, and /extremely/ elusive creature that he has been able to coax and finally tether into a calm posture. He himself must be having some special power; for what normal person would /ever/ manage this feat without harming such an innocent being as Sherlock? There aren’t many people out there who could manage to perform the miracle John Watson just demonstrated. His heart jumped to his throat as the whole weight of what he just accomplished hit him. “Nobody on earth has never done what I did just now…! Nobody was able to bring this man to where he is right now..! God, I am speechless; truly, I am /speechless/..!” declared his mind; his heart, on the other hand, was wondering what to do next. And then, in an instant, without much ado, he kissed Sherlock, gently on the forehead. Oh love, how wondrous art thou…? 

when you see someone behaving in an extremely foolish manner, either walk away pronto; or give your opinion and then walk away pronto. idiots will be idiots.

~wise things you learn as you grow up in life. 

a thought before sleep...

~'in matters of love, no one can draw a boundary. you can love anyone you wish, we're not going to question your preferences. as long as you live peacefully, without trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, no one's ever going to judge you or criticize you. go on and love, you're free...' ~

in a world where people have different (and sometimes, quite harsh) opinions about love, about what is 'acceptable', and what is 'unnatural', i feel so lucky to be in a place, where 'official people' are so understanding, and accepting. the above was almost a complete translation of a genuine statement by the minister for health himself.

truly, love conquers all.

(Yuri On Ice - Stay Close To Me)

Yuri On Ice - Stay Close To Me (piano cover)

well.. this was a modest attempt. i only tried to play what i heard.....

better than nothing, right..?

this is somewhat of a /rant/.

recently i've been wondering if it is a good idea for people to talk about Yuri on Ice' too much. true, it is a beautiful love-story about a skater and his 'idol', who later becomes his life- companion. i've been through it so many times that, i can actually remember parts of their dialogues. yes, it is so beautiful. i fell in love with the realistic quality of the story. and yes, there are exaggerations, there're places where somethings are 'shown' that has been magnified to be a lot more than it truly is, but then, if you open your eyes and 'see' it, you'll understand that it is, in essence, /a story/!!! goddamn it, those people who are bothered to waste their time, making /review-videos/ to criticize an animation...!!! i cannot understand their purpose. are they trying to prevent people from seeing something and forming a conclusion of their own? are those 'critics' trying to degrade something they think is trash so that the whole world would follow their lead? sorry, but as someone who has seen the world (i've done a degree in chemistry, currently doing piano music ABRSM grade 8 practicals, 25 years old, can fluently speak two different languages (English, and my mother-tongue), been through severe suicidal depression, and prefers to call myself an artist) and can be a perfect judgy-b*tch when necessary, i can't see the point of those abysmal people who can actually stand on their feet and speak words of ill-judgement? (or are they sitting down when they make such videos...? 😉)

either way, i only have this to say; if you don't like something, don't go poking into it. leave it alone, and go your own way. if you stop and waste your precious time (which is in fact, your life), you are a loser. the object of your criticism is, in truth, victorious; it has somehow managed to make you, an opponent, stop in their tracks and make a public statement about it. and you know how the world rolls; when more and more people hear about it, more and more people will get to know about it. if you're criticizing something that's actually too good for your level of thinking, the world is going to turn on you. people are /not/ stupid. they may be temporarily fooled and tricked by forgery and lies, but eventually, they are all going to understand and see the truth. then, you, who was /so/ idiotic to speak about things you did not truly understand, will certainly regret your decision.

if you don't like something, give it more time, a second chance. if you still don't like it, then leave it be. don't go and try hurt it; it may be something that's beyond your power of comprehension, and it could possibly burn you to ashes (i am /not/ kidding)....

Remember; Draco dormiens nuquam titillandus...

peace.